You don’t have to grow.
As an abused woman, in your mind and everyone else’s, HE is the one causing all of your problems and unhappiness. It is like having a rampaging elephant in your house. You have to save yourself any way you can. There is no time for introspection, peace, or growth. You have been in the survivor mode for so long, if the elephant is removed, you are lost and confused.
You don’t deserve much in life.
Living with abuse reaffirms one of your deep unconscious beliefs: you are not that worthy. Stuck with this belief, you don’t have the energy or insight for change.
Remaining a victim.
If you stopped being a victim, you would have no one to blame for your loneliness and depression. Being alone with yourself and your feelings could be scary.
Fear of success.
If you became a happy winner, everyone around you would have to change how they treat you and how they think of you. That shift in consciousness could be very unsettling for everyone.
Staying in this situation keeps you from being all you can be. People are more afraid of success than they are of failure. Getting everything you want in life leaves you with no more excuses.
If you understand that you do not really serve an abuser by being there; that you stunt their possible growth; and that this is not “love” but some kind of tentative comfort you have found in the intersecting battlefields of your lives, it will be easier to let go.
Here is a plan for the new you, just waiting to emerge victorious:
You cannot get out of this war without some help. You cannot do this alone. You need support groups, a counselor, spiritual guidance, a job, and friends who do not indulge in destructive habits.
GET INTO YOUR CAREER
Women who are being abused can only get out if they have a way to take care of themselves. Your career can give you the finances, opportunities, and friends you need. Do you need a mentor, job counselor, courses, a degree, or a job change to get your career on track? I know people who have gone back to college in their 50s and 60s. And others just needed a new job.
HANDLE YOUR MONEY
Abused women often stay in bad relationships for economic reasons. Learn to manage on what you earn or take steps now to change your economic life. Whether you need to downsize, live on less, make more, get another job, save, or move…do it.
FIND AN INTEREST
This may sound trivial, but many people become electrified by finding their favorite thing to do. It could be ANYTHING…chess, swimming, drawing, sailing, dancing, skating…it doesn’t matter. This is how you feed yourself and also become more attractive.
If you want to feel better and be more in control of your life, this is the perfect place to begin.
Abused women often feel hopeless. However, do not ever think your life is set in concrete and you can’t move. Keep looking for the help that is out there for you.
Abuse may have kept you a prisoner, but you don't have to be one anymore.
Visit https://www.loveawake.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our dating newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Alex Wise. Copyright 2009-2020, Alex Wise. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)